I try to make a conscious effort to do sweet things for Samn. Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought some things to send him off with iced coffee and a homemade breakfast sandwich this morning. He likes to get these things sometimes on the way to work, from a gross gas station or drive through. The plan was to wake up early and have it ready for him to go when he got out of the shower, but the sandwich got aborted — he wasn’t hungry.
I do these things because I want him to know how loved his is, how much he means to me, how much I appreciate him and love having him in my life, and I never feel like I do an adequate job of expressing these things or how great I think he is in real life. Sometimes I complain about things and he’ll say something like he doesn’t think I’ll ever be happy with him as a person. I laughed when he said it last, because it is so far from the truth that I thought he was trying to manipulate me into not complaining about things anymore. But I never want him to believe that or to feel unappreciated even for a second. I know how much it sucks to feel unloved and unappreciated, I spent most of my life feeling that way.